In detail

The duel for the death of a loved one and its stages

The duel for the death of a loved one and its stages

Thepsychological duel, is a process that takes place after a loss of a person. The duel is a natural and necessary reaction to the loss of a loved one (the death of a family member, a friend, a pet, etc.) the duel that is lived as a result of the death of a close person or the proximity of the own death; between these.

Within the grieving process, there is the guilt, it is difficult not to live it in grief, rational guilt, that is, it is a healthy fault, it is what makes us repair our faults, the irrational guilt in the duel is what torments us, we feel guilty again and again, is when we have negative, irrational and self-destructive thoughts, in the case of feeling guilty, it is convenient to remind ourselves that it was what we did well, with the resources we had at that time.


  • 1 The stages of grief according to the studies of Dr. Kübler-Ross
  • 2 Stages of the grieving process
  • 3 What can be done so that depression does not intensify and does not become chronic

The stages of grief according to the studies of Dr. Kübler-Ross

The Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published in 1969 the book "On death and dying", in which she described for the first time the five phases of grief. For this he based his work with terminal patients at the University of Chicago.

The duel is a road to travel, time helps make the departure of our loved one less difficult and painful, but if necessary we must help time and ourselves, seek psychological support, allow family and friends support.

The duel, is lived in different stages, lasts approximately one or two years, in the most intense losses, they are not lived in an orderly way precisely.

Kübler-Ross said that these stages do not necessarily happen in an exact order, nor are all of them experienced by everyone., although he affirmed that a person will suffer at least two of these stages. Often, people will go through several of these stages in a "roller coaster" effect, passing between two or more stages, and doing it once or several times before finishing.

People who are going through these stages should not force the process. The grieving process is highly personal and should not be accelerated or lengthened, for reasons of a person's opinion. One must be merely aware that the stages will be left behind and that the final state of acceptance will come.

Stages of the grieving process

The negation

You live a shockdenial where is it as if we were between dream and reality, it's like a Defense mechanism because we do not want to accept that this person is no longer there, the person in this process refuses, so as not to suffer, but it is not healthy to prolong the denial so long, because we would be getting stuck and blocking the grieving process, the other stages to be lived , which is necessary to pass to heal.

The anger

At this stage the whys arise, why me ?, we question and get angry, the grieving person feels angry with others, with whom he left, even with himself, he believes that what he is living is unfair, is one of the most difficult stages, the feelings in full bloom.

The negotiation

I know negotiate inwardly with superior power, with life, with Faith. In secret, the mourner seeks to make a deal with God or another higher power so that his deceased loved one returns in exchange for a different lifestyle. This is a defense mechanism to protect yourself from the painful reality.

The Depression

Is a reactive depression for the loss of the loved one, the person is reacting to the loss, not necessarily, not immediately has to medicate to remove depression, (except that this person was already on medication for depression due to factors independent of the loss, the medication must be continued and continued in consultation with their Psychiatrist or doctor), in a loss, we should not quickly resort to the antidepressant as if we wanted to escape from reality, it is necessary to let ourselves be felt, discouragement can last several months, of course there is the risk of being stuck there ...

What can be done so that depression does not intensify and does not become chronic

Do not allow yourself to sink into depression, stop your fall, do not allow or allow the person who is depressed to be in the area of ​​depression for a long time, try to eat, sleep as necessary at night, move around to do different activities that distract, even that are productiveFor example, crafts, painting, writing, reading, going out from time to time, trying, governing our mind, our thoughts, trying to be in mental and physical movement, psychological support, family and friends.


The loss is assimilated, it is accepted that the loved one is no longer there, to accept is not to forget, we will continue to remember our loved one, but with a different vision, accepting is looking forward, turning to see what we have, valuing our present, it is like starting over, accepting, it does not mean that we lose joy, accept, means , move on, we can learn from life's experiences, accepting is part of finding a different meaning to life, finding a new meaning.

Accepting does not necessarily mean forgetting our loved one, but yes, remembering it lovingly and not with pain, your loved one stays in your memory and in your heart.

The psychological support, family, of friends, is important to make the grieving process less intense, as well as the will to get back up.